Irony

"Daddy, I want a human!" Calypso whined.

"I don't know honey, they're a big responsibility.  They die quite easily."The king of Mars replied as he thought about how much his daughter manipulates him.

"Okay, if you say so.  It's just that I heard Jupiter already has more than a hundred human pets.  We only have ninety-nine."

The only thing the king hated more than his daughter's bratty behavior was being bettered by another planet.  Mercury and Venus were peaceful planets, and didn't like to compete.  Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune were to busy  trying to grow or invent things that they didn't bother to involve themselves with other planets.  Pluto was so pathetic that even the humans barely call it a planet.  Earth started to fall apart years ago and is so desperate that they actually started to send humans to the planets just so their race can survive, or at least try to.  Then there's Jupiter.  It's the only planet that is worthy enough to compete with Mars.  And so it does.  The king agreed to his daughter getting a human as a pet, and that "pet", unfortunately was me. 

Normally, the aliens just get humans  to use them as servants.  But Calypso wasn't normal. "She's so cute!" she cried when she first got me.

"Uh uh, you ain't gonna call me cute." I said. 

"Now, be a good girl and don't sass your owner."

This girl needed some sense knocked into her.  And so slapped her in the face.  "Don't you be sassing me!  You are not my "owner" you are my…host while I stay at your house.  And you will not call me cute."

Of course I forgot that I was dealing with the most spoiled and guarded princess in all the planets. 

"Guards!  Teach my pet who's in control."  Immediately six blades were pointed at my throat.  "Now, if you be a good girl, I won't have to have my guards slit your throat."

It wasn't even five minutes and I already hated her. That was record time.

Later that day, she took me a fashion show.  One of the models was wearing a gorgeous green ball gown.  Calypso made a disgusted noise.  She turned to the man next to her.  "Anything that ugly should be tossed into the garbage-and I'm not talking about the dress."

They both burst into giggles and gossiped the rest of the evening.  Which was good because they paid no attention to me.  I slipped outside and just like that I was free.  Running, I went through a map of Mars in my head.  The airport wasn't far from here.  I had to get back to Pluto.  Turning the corner, I was suddenly frozen with the horror of my sudden realization…I had no money.  No money means no plane ticket.  No plane ticket means I have to stay here with Calypso. 

She had only just crossed my mind when she came around the corner.  She looked like my mother looked after my brother broke her great-great-grandmother's china.   "Do you remember what I told you about you misbehaving?" She fumed.

"I remember, you said that if I wasn't a "good girl" you would have your guards slit my throat."  I managed to squeak out.

"Well I lied."

Waves of relief washed over me, and then horror as she spoke again.

"I want to be the one that chops off your head."